Postponed Weddings: Tips from a bride in lockdown
Like me, you might have been planning this for over a year or unlike me, you might have just started to organise this for a few months, but everything was ready for your D-day… Either way, it was the day you were looking forward to, and 2020 was going to be your memorable year!
Whether you had anticipated 300 guests or wanted to elope for a few days, whether you wanted an informal non-seated diner or had reserved the best caterer in the country, whether it was going to be a one-night event in the city or a three-day destination wedding, it was meant to be YOUR day, and the date was set!
It was only early March when the first lockdown restrictions were taken in Italy, that I realised my wedding might be jeopardised. As our date was set to the 10th of May, we were only 2 months before the wedding, and almost everything was ready for the D-day. My fiancé and I then started discussing a possible rescheduling, but I have to say that during those first few weeks we felt a bit lost, and we were less and less sure of what to answer when asked if we were maintaining our date.
When to make the decision?
For most of you, the decision has already been made but some might still wonder if they should go ahead with their late July celebration.
Well, I would say that it depends on your mindset and your guests’. Ask yourselves this: Do you see yourself walking down the aisle in 2 months time? Is everything (dress, catering, decoration, music) ready for the big day? Are your (most important) guests still committed to the original date? If you have answered YES to these 3 questions, then it might be worth keeping the date (for now), and revise it a bit later. There is not point rushing the decision, because in this unprecedented situation, nobody can predict what will happen in two months.
If on the contrary, most of your answers are NO, it might be worth looking at rescheduling, and if you feel too tight or stressed with short deadlines, you might want to look at next year.
My recommendation would be to work on a plan B either way, and you’ll see you’ll feel much more relaxed!
How to decide on a new date?
Working on a plan B doesn’t mean informing your guests and everyone involved straight away. It is important to have a strategy in place so you can go through this situation without too many people giving their opinion, which will only get you more confused.
Step 1: Discuss it as a couple
Write down the deal-breakers if any, and discuss compromises. For example, would you get married in the winter or does it have to be nice weather? Who is the most important to you, the photographer or the florist? Do you want it to be in 2020 or can you wait another year? Is the DJ replaceable? It is important to know what your priorities are and what compromises you are both ready to make, and will help you start this process on the right foot!
Step 2: Approach your suppliers
It can be a bit frightening to start the chat about a potential new date and although most of the time it comes naturally, some venues or caterers will not want to reschedule just yet, as they might see this as lost revenue which they don’t necessarily have to give up on at this stage.
This is why I believe the best way to approach them is by reassuring them that you haven’t cancelled anything yet, but that by looking at the situation, you would feel more confortable having a second option. Then call your most important supplier (usually the venue, although catering might be more important to you?) and ask them to get back to you with 3 alternative dates (try not to restrict them too much). Once you have those 3 dates, make sure you contact other important suppliers and see their availability. This will narrow down to one or two dates (or will have different options with or without the DJ, the photographer, hairdresser…).
Step 3: Call your loved ones
Once you are left with one date (if two, chose the one you prefer), contact your closest guests such as close family, bridesmaids, ring-bearer and other people who are involved in your big day (try to limit this to 10/15 people max). Don’t give them a choice but ask them if they would be free on that day/weekend, and if not then would they be able to work something out. It is important to be quite firm at this stage as you will see in most cases your loved ones will make sure to clear out whatever they had planned to be with you on your most important day.
If some important people can’t make it on date #1, start again with date #2. Etc…
Step 4: Communicate the new date
Once you have a set date where your loved ones can all be present, it is very important to communicate with your guests in a clear way, so they understand what you have just been through, but are still excited to share this joyful moment with you. There are many ways to inform your guests of a new date and here are some ideas:
- Take a photo / video and post on social media. My cousin and his fiancée decided to make a funny video and posted it on Facebook. It works really well for weddings with hundreds of guests as it helps spread the word quickly and efficiently! Find photo ideas on Instagram from the collaboration between artist @Alison_Sketchbook and wedding dress designer @Meryl Suissa with their drawing series about brides in lockdown!
- Create a Whatsapp group. For medium size weddings, setting a group on an app is great for creating an atmosphere even before the wedding day! Guests will feel part of a special event being added to the group and some might feel confortable enough to start conversations or even make jokes on the group!
- Use a special website to send new invites via email. This doesn’t come free but is a creative way of informing your guests of the new date. I have used Greenvelope which have come up with special designs for postponed events! It is a super customisable tool (you can add any details you want or even links to other websites) and it gives an RSVP option so you can track who has received, opened and responded to your invite!
Keep in mind that from now on, every guest is a bonus! What we might take for granted when organising a wedding becomes completely uncertain when rescheduling one. Of course some of you might lose a few guests on the way (especially is you are planning something big), but you might also get some nice surprises with guests who had RSVP “no’ to your original date and who can now join for the new one!
Rescheduling a wedding is not an easy task, and it comes with many questions and doubts, and can drain you psychologically. On top of dealing with a unique situation and having to mentally prepare for a different date, you also need to reassure your guests, contact current and new suppliers, stay on top of your diet to make sure your dress will still fit, whilst keeping a positive attitude because it’s a happy event!
Think of it as the first test to your marriage, which I’m sure you’ll pass easily!
The most important thing is to act accordingly to what you and your partner want so the day is still as you have always dreamt it to be! Remember that you depend on a situation you have no control over so you have to play with the cards you were given, but rest assured you can still win the game as love is in your court…